there’s no pretense.

It was five days of bliss and five days a curse.

I visited SAJC last Friday. It’s been a long time since I went back, and there were quite a number of changes to the school. It wasn’t a planned trip, rather impromptu because I just felt like going in since I was just right outside. I felt like drinking the Longan Ice and Teh Peng with more milk again. I didn’t get the chance to though.

I miss studying.

i miss flipping through my bio notes,
and cramming through all those chem equations and theories,
doing and re-doing all those maths tutorials,
struggling to understand all those economic concepts and markets.

i miss being the sleeping monster in class,
staying till late just to plan for another school event,
the fortnightly chapel sessions in the cc,
singing the school song and hymn.

You might think I’m just saying this because I’m not taking any exams or A levels now,
but I beg to differ.

I wish I could fly to Birmingham and start school now.

I just got back from Thailand last Sunday morning. Battleking was alright this time, even a little fun. At least the weather wasn’t as hot as it was during February.

This is not the purpose of this post though. The purpose of this is well, below.

Salvation to me
is the start of a brand new chapter in my life. It is the beginning of a relationship that lasts forever.

Salvation to me
is knowing that my life is in His control. It’s the assurance that no matter what happens today or tomorrow, good or bad, is part of a greater plan that will not fail, because He does not fail.

Salvation to me
is a gift. It’s not earned by works or words. Neither is it by offerings or sacrifices. By grace we are saved.

Salvation to me
is about second chances, and third chances, and fourth chances, no matter how many times I need will them.

Salvation to me
means that I am no longer living for myself, but for a higher purpose and being.

Salvation to me
is my reason for trying to be a better person, day by day, believing that a good tree bears good fruit.

Salvation to me
is acknowledging that He is Lord, and He has the final say.

Salvation to me
is my confidence that come what may, a little mustard seed of faith will move mountains.

Salvation to me
is having received so that I can give, being loved so that I can love, made whole so that I can help, and being blessed so that I can bless. It is the giving to others of what I have received from it.

Salvation to me
means that I’m never alone. It is having a friend to share your weal and woe with.

Salvation to me
is precious and it teaches me to be thankful that though freely given, is not permanent and not to be taken for granted. It is not cheap grace.

Salvation to me
is basically knowing that He loves me. (:

I kinda miss the days when I was still a trainee in the army. BMT, Artillery, and especially Sispec. It was full of shit and full of fun. Those were the days. (:

Scenario one: Reading the RO at the end of the day.
Friend: (Finished reading the first page) Sergeant what do I do now?
Sergeant: … FLIP THE PAGE…
Us: (Burst out laughing)
Sergeant: Whole lot knock it down.

Scenario two: Reading the RO.
Friend: Quote of the day (by Mark Twain): …. by Mark.. Twi.., Two.., Twinnnee..
Us: (Burst our laughing)
Sergeant: Whole lot knock it down.

HAHAHA. Full of shit, full of fun. (:

I wanted to inspire, to nurture, to train, to educate, to influence..

but all I succeeded in doing was to isolate.

If there is one thing I look forward to after I ORD from the army, it’ll be going abroad to study. UK or Australia, whatever. Anywhere out of Singapore will be good. I just want to be somewhere alone. I feel so sick of Singapore already.

I want to travel, go to places I’ve never been before. See the world! Vancouver, Taiwan, Italy, London, France, Holland, Germany. I want to go to all those places the game Geo Challenge on Facebook displayed. Maybe that’s why I like the game so much.

Perhaps I’m running away. Away from the things I don’t want to do anymore, away from people, away from this same old lifestyle. I want something different, something I’ve never experienced before, something refreshing. A new life, a new beginning, start over, no worries, no commitments, no ties, no bindings. My own life.

But it’s not just that. Networking, a foreign degree, experience, knowledge, all this I will gain. I want to be successful in what I do. It’s for my future, it’s what I want now.

People tell me they can’t bear to leave behind all the relationships and ties and whatever they have in Singapore, but I’m not that kind of guy. I not the type of person who will find it hard to leave things like that behind. I can let things go, easily. Family, friends, relationships, church, lifestyle. No problem. I’m the kind of person who is totally comfortable alone and doing things alone. In fact I like being alone. I don’t think there’s any problem sitting alone in the canteen and eating my lunch when everyone else around me are in groups. I won’t feel like a loner. I’m confident, sure of myself.

To figure out what I want to do in life, what kind of life I want to lead, to understand myself better. No outside influences, no pressure. Just what I want and what I want to do. Me, myself and I.

One year ago today I enlisted in this organization called the Singapore Armed Forces. Now, one year has passed. On hindsight, the past one year has been full of ups and downs. It’s had been fast paced, intensive, and as much as I hate to admit, some what fun. The friendships that had been forged in this past year are ones that I am deeply grateful for, and I’ll never forget. Thinking back, time really flew. Ten more months is what awaits me before the next chapter of my life begins.

CRAP SO LONG TEN MORE MONTHS SO LONG SO LONG SO LONG.

Time. Please don’t fly. SOAR.

Life has taken a huge step back without you around. Come July, oh please come.